Practicing Mindfulness and High School Graduation

“What do you miss?” my father asked recently while on our weekly shopping trip. Having suffered a mild stroke last year, I now take him on his errands, and we occasionally find ourselves having deeper conversations than the price of bread. 

Though the question was random and without context, I knew instantly my answer: 

“I miss the days when I didn’t doubt myself.”

Eighteen years ago, pre-parenthood that is, I was confident and capable and there was logic to most of my days. I trusted myself, my actions, and my destiny.

My son at 3 months old

Then I had a baby, and for lack of a better word, I was "schooled."

I didn’t know how to do anything; the stuff in the books rarely worked; and I lived with the certainty that I was ruining this child’s life, one painful day at a time.

My daughter at 3 months old

Joining a mom’s group and drinking lots of wine helped mitigate my self-doubt; watching kids way worse than mine convinced me I was doing something right; and in due time I regained enough confidence to birth a second child.

A very happy occasion. Photo by Dan Liu

Then SUDDENLY, just last week, I watched my son, my first born, graduate high school. 

He wore a cap and a gown, an extraordinarily beautiful smile, and a certain confidence that filled me with pride. His younger sister, equally proud (or perhaps surprised?) congratulated him via Instagram with the simple caption: 

He made it.

Their last first-day-of-school together

Holy smokes – that was no walk in the park!

Parenting is NOT FOR WIMPS.

From the first diaper change to the first car accident, it’s a never-ending stream of self-doubt.

The toddler years were a blur of footie pajamas, goldfish crackers and 
“Where iS MY BLANKIE!?” 

(Should he even have a blankie? Will sucking his thumb cause a speech impediment?)

Grade school was all about crayons and getting into college. 

(Are these spelling words on the SAT? Did that soccer mishap just blow his chance at a varsity letter?!)

The tween years were an epic battle with social media. 

(Is Instagram ok but Snapchat not? Or is it the other way around?) 

And the teen years – they were every bit as awful as you’ve heard – only worse. 

(Does reading his texts and stalking him on Find My iPhone make me a helicopter parent?)  

He DID earn that varsity letter, despite plenty of mishaps. Photo by Dan Liu

The Uber-Organized Parent

I’m convinced well-organized people suffer the biggest adjustment to parenthood. We think proper planning is the answer to most of life’s conundrums. Show me a checklist and a consistent routine and I’ll show you success! 

But an eight-pounder with a will of its own laughs in the face of order.

Here’s a short list of parenting recommendations that were a complete disaster in my home. It’s not that I don’t recommend these; it’s just that I couldn’t pull them off.

(My) Parenting Fails:

• all forms of chore charts, sticker charts and checklists (started and stopped)

• summer reading programs (kept trying)

• allowance programs accompanied with sound money management (never happened)

• limited access to technology (epic failure on this one) 

Where’s the Beef? 

Geez. Looking back on this 18 year reflection, it seems I have some beef with the parenting experience, and my son must be a hot mess. 

But the fact is; he’s lovely. And I’ve loved being his mama. 

My son enjoying his own moment of mindfulness. Photo by Dan Liu

Enjoy Every Minute

We’re hearing much about mindfulness these days. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” the veteran parents tell the rookies. 

These moments of mindfulness, I think, are the moments of complete ordinary. They are the sacred moments when nothing is happening except everything is happening. They are moments free from judgement and self-doubt.

Do kids understand mindfulness better than adults? Photo by Dan Liu

Some of my favorite mindfulness moments:

• Fussy baby days when I would finally just sit and hold him 

• Daily trips to and from school – age three to 17

• Late afternoon homework sessions at the kitchen table 

• TGIFs on the driveway with scooters, jump ropes and sidewalk chalk

• Sitting together on his bedroom floor sorting outgrown clothes

• Early mornings fixing breakfast with his country music playlist in the background

• Listening to him and his friends laughing while they played video games

Maybe, hopefully, these were the moments when, despite too much screen time and not enough structure and the all-too-often take out dinner, my son developed into a fine young man. 

My father, best known as Pop, and my son. Photo by Dan Liu

 “What do you miss, Pop?”

I asked my father to answer the question, too. He misses his career – rising each morning with purpose and responsibility. Retirement offers plenty of perks, for sure, but it seems like living-in-the-moment is a skill honed over the course of a lifetime. 

I’ve got plenty of parenting moments before me. My younger child is still in high school; and the twenties are the new teens, so it’s not as if my recent graduate is actually an adult. 

Realizing my favorite memories are the everyday ones has given me reason to let go of the doubt and brush up on my mindfulness skills. I’m looking forward to lots more of the regular, ordinary, and status quo.

Photo by Dan Liu

Congratulations to my blessed son on the occasion of 
his High School Graduation.

 Are you practicing mindfulness, and if so, what does it mean in your life?

The things on my list...

 

I've heard it said that when you love your work, you'll never work a day in your life.

 

Besides family, friends, and what promises to be an amazing feast - this Thanksgiving eve I am feeling especially thankful for my work with Totally Orderly. Eleven years in, and I 'm still so happy to make a living doing something that brings me such joy.

 

I am most grateful to my amazing customers, each and every one.  They teach me so much and I will always honor how they invite me into their lives.

 

Likewise I can't imagine working in this industry without the countless colleagues, mentors and leadership experiences I've enjoyed with the National Association of Professional Organizers.

 

I'm even feeling grateful for social media, with all its pros and cons, for the myriad ways I can learn and grow with others around the world. But especially for Pinterest - oh geez I love Pinterest!

 

Our work does not define us, but what a joy it is when we love it.

 

Today I count my work, my business, and all those involved, among my blessings.

 

Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Build Your Dreams!

Posted on Not So Totally Orderly Pinterest Board - Found on BuzzFeed

How a Keystone Habit Is Changing My Life...

The countdown is on.

 I’m 49 years old with fewer than 12 months before the Big 50; so naturally, I made a list of all the goals I’m hoping to reach before I hit the half-century mark.

Health goals, intellectual goals, family goals, spirit goals, financial goals.

And I want a theme – something catchy.

FreeDigitalPhotos.net - pat138241

Right now I’m feeling Fifty and Fragmented.

Sometimes Fifty and Forgetful.

At best Fifty and Functional.

I’m going for something big – like Fifty and Phenomenal.

This is going to require some serious new habits.

This is going to require a Keystone Habit.

KEYSTONE HABITS

I read about Keystone Habits in Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habit. A Keystone Habit is one really good (or bad) habit that spawns a bunch of other good (or bad) habits.

Those who exercise, for example, also tend to drink more water, eat more healthfully, and manage their calendars. Exercise, therefore, is the Keystone Habit.

I need one mother of a Keystone Habit – because I have a mother-load of goals.

KEYSTONE SUNDAY

FreeDigitalPhotos.net - arztsamui

I’m calling my new habit Keystone Sunday. It’s the ONE thing I simply must do every week if I want to hone all the other habits necessary to reach my goals.

This is how it works, in all of its absolute simplicity (why haven’t I been doing this for years!?)

I plan my week, in complete detail, every Sunday.

I meal plan, grocery plan, exercise plan, work plan, volunteer plan, kid plan, house plan and dog plan.

I fill my vitamin box, empty my inbox, and load up the icebox.

I do everything I can to set myself up for success in the coming week.

KEYSTONE TOOLS

These are a few tools I’m using to support Keystone Sunday.

One Note: I use this software to track my “big picture” goals and projects. Evernote would be a similar option.

Product of Microsoft

Wunderlist: This handy App tracks my to-do lists, syncs between my PC and mobile devices, and allows me to send items straight to my calendar. I check it daily and add to it constantly. Things, Toodledo and Errands are other popular to-do Apps.

Wunderlist

Outlook: I use the calendar in Outlook to track my daily schedule. I put EVERYTHING on my calendar that needs to get done on a given day. Google and iCal are additional electronic calendar recommendations.

Product of Microsoft

Focused

I’m hoping Keystone Sunday leads me to all sorts of wonderful successes. I’ve been at it for about five weeks now. I’m humbled by the habit – planning takes time and effort – sometimes many more hours than I ever dreamed. But I’m also in awe of this Keystone Habit’s potential – I’m accomplishing tasks and projects at an unbelievable pace and honing new habits along the way. 

Which leads me back to my “theme.”

Habits pave the way to success. By taming our impulses they unleash the possibilities we hold within. And it’s with this understanding I set my intention for the coming year:

Who's with me?

The Secret Ingredient to Great Habits

How are those New Year’s Resolutions coming along? It took me all the way into February to decide on mine – but I’m off to a good start thanks to The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg

Photo from: http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit

I read this amazing book last year and put Duhigg’s theory to the test with promising results. Here’s a quickie review of the book and how I used it to lose over twenty pounds!

The Habit Cycle

There are three key ingredients (well, arguably four – but I’ll get to that in a bit) to a well-honed habit: the cue, the routine, and the reward – in that order - repeated over and over. Here’s a visual:  

For example:

Cue – My teeth feel gross

Routine – I brush my teeth

Reward – My teeth feel great!

Wikimedia Commons: Photographer: Bill Branson

 Well, that seems easy. So why is it so difficult to form a habit? Why do we go to the gym for two straight weeks, then every other day, and then surrender to a bag of Cheetos?

Wikimedia Commons: By Fourohfour

The Secret Ingredient

A habit takes about 30 days to develop, right? Well, not really. It takes as long as it takes to build a craving.  The craving is what separates a well-honed habit from an on-again off-again behavior pattern. It develops when the routine is repeatedly and continuously paired with the cue and reward – the brain pays attention and forms a new neural pathway. That pathway solidifies the likelihood we will practice that habit – it’s basically hardwired into our brain.

Another visual:

Here’s an example:

A woman comes home from work tired and grouchy (cue). She goes for a 30 minute run (routine). She feels better (reward!) She continues this cycle, even when she doesn't want to, and actually starts craving the half-hour run. The craving makes it easy to continue – and a good, healthy habit is fully formed.

Wikimedia Commons: By Peter Van Der Sluijs

Conversely, the same woman comes home from work tired and grouchy (cue).  Each day she relaxes in front of the TV with a bag of chips (routine). She feels better (reward!) Guess what she craves?

Forming New Habits

Last year I put “The Power of Habit” to the test. Intrigued by my daughter’s love of fresh fruit – she’ll order it instead of French fries! - I wondered if I could manipulate my own eating habits. I liked fruits and vegetables, I just didn’t crave them. Cheese and crackers were more my thing when hunger struck.

So every time I was hungry (cue) – and I mean every single time - I ate a fruit or a vegetable (routine). I waited for the hunger to dissipate (reward) and then I would eat the rest of my meal. My goal was to train my brain to crave healthy foods when I was hungry – and it worked! Not only did I develop a craving for fruits and vegetables, I found myself filling up on them prior to eating anything else, and I dropped twenty pounds in three months.

Wikimedia Commons: By PDPhoto.org

This year I’m working on a more comprehensive habit, something Duhigg calls a Keystone Habit . I’ll write about that next time. Meanwhile, consider working on a new habit for 2015 – and don’t give up –success will come if you hold out for the craving!

Pinterest: www.LivingWellSpendingLess.com

Do these 5 Holiday Prep Actions Today!

Our long, lazy Thanksgiving weekend will be here in the blink of an eye - followed by twenty-four days of complete holiday frenzy. Who’s ready? Not me – not by a long shot (despite my Christmas obsession confession I wrote about here.) Certainly the decorating and shopping and wrapping can wait, because they concern your own schedule; but here are five connections you might want to make TODAY, as they concern someone else’s schedule – someone whose holiday calendar might already be booked.

The Lighting Guys

Exterior illumination, as evidenced by Clark Griswold in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, can be time consuming, tedious, and downright dangerous! Enlisting the help of a professional Christmas Lighting company is the perfect answer. Sometimes landscaping and house painting crews add this to their service listing during the holidays. These guys have been at work for a month already, so call now to get on their schedule.

The Hair Stylist

Hopefully you scheduled your next visit at the end of your last visit, but if not, you should give your stylist a call right away. Her regulars have already nabbed all the good times, but she might be able to squeeze you in for a festive up-do.  If your cut and color is already on the calendar, book your manicure and brow wax while you still can.

The Babysitter

Teens and college kids are eager to earn some extra spending money over the holidays, and rest assured they are already getting calls for Friday and Saturday nights in December. Lock in your favorite sitter ASAP, even if it happens to be your in-laws. They have a social life, too, you know!

The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker

Hosting a party this year? Caterers and party planners started filling their holiday calendars while most of us were enjoying summer fireworks; so if you’re hoping to enlist the services of anyone related to entertaining – bartenders, deejays, and even housekeepers – make sure to do so right away. Already too late to the game? Teens and twenty-somethings are great at taking coats, serving apps, and even parking cars.

The Pet Hotel

The bird, the cat, the dog and the gerbil will all need care while you’re traveling over the hills and through the woods. Kennels, pet hotels, dog walkers and pet sitters can be extra busy during the holiday season. Make sure your reservation is confirmed with Fido’s favorite caretaker – so his stress doesn’t turn into your stress!

 Thanksgiving comes with its own timeline and checklist; so it can be difficult to focus on some of these Christmas tasks when you have centerpieces and sage stuffing on the brain – but lock in these reservations now and you’ll be plenty grateful come Thanksgiving Day.

Happy Thanksgiving!